he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
