there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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