I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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