There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
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