my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
