maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
