The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
