did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
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