Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
