I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
