Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
