it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
