Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
