it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I deserve to be covered in dicks
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize