there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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