I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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