How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
