I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
