some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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