I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
