Kiss
Puke
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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