I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
