I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
