dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Can't talk, ducks in the car
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
