she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
