yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize