Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
