you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Small penises have feelings too.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
