dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I hope mine doesn't look like that
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
