I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
