The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize