period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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