Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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