ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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