I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
you never un-have a 4some
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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