Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
