either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
whose ass print is on the piano?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
