U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
The Olympian is in my bed
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
