im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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