Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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