Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
