Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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