If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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