How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
