Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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