I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
