my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
