Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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