Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
