Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
