ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
