I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
