You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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