trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize
