So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
