I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize