maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize