went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
