just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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