ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
