she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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