I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
