my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
