they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
