just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
