I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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