You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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