man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
