thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
