There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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